THE ROSE REVIEW: Entertainment & Technology

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Entertainment, technology, and sex -- can there be a better three-way? Digital Village (the fine tech-and-cyberculture radio show on KPFK, 90.7fm, every Saturday 11am-noon) is reporting that JENNA JAMESON -- one of our fave pornstars/mediamoguls -- is making available the wonderfully-named MOAN TONES for mobile phones. For a price, of course (a little scratch for some snatch, natch). But just a couple bucks, so relax. Digi-Vill says the hot tones will most likely be available overseas first -- since, what a surprise, the Puritanicals, evangelicals and hystericals here in America are not quite as comfortable with the idea. Of course, commerce is truly global now, so Moan Tones will be hard to ignore, and should spread like spunky spores.

With a name like Moan Tones, and a name behind it like Jenna's, this is sure to be a sure-fire hit, and I'm sure other pornsters will copy the idea at lightspeed. What names will they use? Many cell companies are clamoring for my sage advice, so.... let's just say I imagine Mobile Moan, Mona's Moans, and Virgin Mobile Moaners may be on the horizon, Verizon.

L.A. is blessed with a bevy of Borders brick-and-mortars -- and sure, it can be a cool place to quaff a coffee, see Michael Crichton (as I did in the Westwood location), or read ten mags you can't really justify buying. But what if you really ARE there to buy something, for someone special, and you don't know what to get?

Never fear, 21st century tech is here. Try Borders' A.I. take on gift advice, the GIFT MIXER 3000. Think of it as Artificial Givintelligence. Or, Sir Mix AI Lot.

I thought it was gonna be silly, then I surfed to their site,
and lo and behold, turned out I was right.
But it's a GOOD silly.

Adjust the five sliders for your giftee's personality, and voila, you get a few choice recommendations of what to buy them. And a funny retort or two from the HAL9000-like voice behind the mix. When I put the personality setting at these levels:

Romantic=4, Adventurous=5, Brainy=8, Imaginative=9, Funny=10...

.....the GiftMixer3000 recommended: Elliot Smith CD, Waiting For Guffman DVD, Oblivion (tome by David F Wallace), & the hip/smart book "Condensed Knowledge" by the folks at mentalfloss.com. Not bad. Then, when I changed the settings to a near opposite:

R=10, A=9, B=5, I=4, F=3....

...the GMeister recommended a different array of gifts to get, including a cookbook by Jamie Oliver, a Macy Gray CD, and the Showgirls DVD (VIP edition).

I guess the GM3k didn't find Showgirls funny.
Maybe this thing is intelligent after all.

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Check out the GM3k at: http://www.giftmixer3000.com/giftmixer.htm .
Now, can someone please bring me the REgifter3000?